You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm both gender and math confused
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
