What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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