I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
