I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
