Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
