this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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