After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
