I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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