he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
