The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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