Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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