Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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