I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
