New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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