if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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