I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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