I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
