Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
