my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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