I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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