Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
