there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
