6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
