a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize