And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
