I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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