So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
