how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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