i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
