Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize