3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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