I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
