Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
