did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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