I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
