the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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