She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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