new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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