we made out on top of his cat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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