I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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