just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize