Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
