I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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