Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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