2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
