apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
