peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
