Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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