you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
