I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
