Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
