Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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