You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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