I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
