So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
