he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
