At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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