There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
