He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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