I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
did i just pee glitter
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
