I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
