Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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