i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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