I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
