Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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