i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
