So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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