i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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