I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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