Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
