Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
