so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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