i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
