Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
