you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
