No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
