My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
