Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
