Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize