he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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