keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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