I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize