he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
