i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
