Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
