Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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