And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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