i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
