I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
