I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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