I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
