cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize