Nicole vs. Life
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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