so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
