Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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