worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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