My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
