Your face is a jimmy john
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize