I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
