As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
